Lert Life

More NYC Madness:

#1 - A dead homeless person blocking a busy street corner sidewalk in midtown during morning rush hour. One person paused to poke the guy, and everyone else just stepped over him in their rush to get to work, figuring that someone else would hail a cop. When rigor mortis has set in--well, stiffies need the morgue, not a hospital bed. This was ~ 15 years ago, during the days of brick-sized cell phones that only self-important executives lugged around to show off as status symbols.



#2 - Some guy in his 20s rushed out of a parking garage in the Garment District (on 37th, near 7th Ave.) to body slam me. The Garment District is dangerous after dark, but I had no choice other than to walk through it at 9pm or so, with my previous two employers. He probably weighed twice what I did, but was more fat than tall. I saw him just in time to brace myself and stay on my feet, then turned around and swung my really heavy briefcase at the back of his head and neck. I yelled "What the hell's the matter with you!?" loud enough that a businessman commuter walking 50' ahead of me heard me and turned around to see what the commotion was. He saw the creep land on the sidewalk face first, and knew I didn't need his help. I didn't run away, but walked quickly enough to catch up with Commuter Guy, and we walked together the last few blocks to NY Penn, then went our separate ways to catch our respective trains. This would have had to have been ~ 6-7 years ago. Let's just say that Creepy Guy got the worst end of the deal. I hope he busted a few front teeth when he hit the concrete, but I didn't stick around long enough to assess his injuries--not at that time of night in that neighborhood. I'll bet he never tries that stunt again.

I'd like to quote gossip columnist Cindy Adams, and say "Only in New York, kids. Only in New York," but that would be wrong. This stuff happens in any big city. All I can say is "be a lert." Lerts stay alive. Lerts rock! For the record, I am a proud member of the Lert Squad.