The Last Supper

Dave's last supper (lunch, actually) went really well, despite the fact that Joanne horned in on it, and essentially invited herself. What could I do? Saying "no" was quite out of the question. She's the head of North American sales, and an EVP. She outranks me on the VP scale. I can't really blame her, though, because she had her marching orders from our CEO to make sure she got herself invited.

The backstory there is that my department had a 9:30 conference call with our CEO, who was in Toronto today, about status on various projects. At the end, our CEO brought up the subject of doing something for Dave--gift certificate, or whatever. I mentioned that I had already organized an informal luncheon for him today, not on behalf of the company, but on behalf of my department, and had invited a few others along from Database, QA, and Programming, who had known Dave for years, and/or worked closely with him. CEO-man really liked the idea. Thus ended our conference call, after which he immediately got on the horn with the head of sales, who is based in Toronto but was in NY today. Just as I was picking up the phone to call for reservations, she popped her head in my door and asked whether it was too late to join our party. Our CEO call had ended less than five minutes ago. Boy, was that quick! He also left me a message asking me to toast Dave, and said he'd asked Joanne to do the same.

Alright, so Joanne was added to the headcount, which totaled 15. None of us really wanted her tagging along. Word spread like wildfire among the invitees, and at least two of them asked "Can I back out, now?" My reply was "Yes, of course, but think of Dave. We must be brave." Nobody on the invitee list backed out on me.

Even our troglodyte vegetarian programmer Mike was enticed out of his lair to join us, and found something on the menu that he liked well enough to join the ranks of the "Clean Plate Club." Mike works from home half the time, and when he does come in to the office, he arrives around 1:00 pm, and leaves late in the evening. He's famous for sending emails at 2:00 or 3:00 am. Dave was tickled pink that Mike attended. I'd like to think it was because I asked him so sweetly, but I know he did it for Dave.

As it stood last night, and earlier this morning, every invitee was prepared to shell out for their own meal, plus chip in maybe $1.50 to cover the cost of Dave's meal. I would have just put it on my personal AmEx, sent out an email letting each person know what their share of the tab was, and let them pay me back later.

All that changed when Joanne insinuated herself into the picture, although we didn't know it at the time. Since she had marching orders from CEO-man, and was the senior executive there, she requested the tab, and put it on her Corporate AmEx. This wasn't supposed to be a company function, even though CEO-man had finally made it through to the HR woman to get a gift certificate for Dave and give it to Joanne to present to him.

Sure looks like we got a free lunch out of this one! Nothing in life is free; we had to endure her presence, but it saved us each about $15, and in a social situation, she isn't really that awful. Back in the office, I popped my head in her doorway and asked whether CEO-man had asked her to get the tab, because I would have charged it on my card, since I had organized it. She replied "I had to. I was the senior executive there, and those are the rules. I know you would have grabbed the tab otherwise." I can't believe CEO-man would demand that she pay for 15 people out-of-pocket, so he must have told her to expense-account it.

Three funny things happened:

1) When Dave declared that all future work from him would be limited to seven billable hours every two weeks, and his marching orders must come through me, Joanne looked aghast. That was my opportunity to look at her and say "You'd better start sucking up to me now!" Everyone else started cracking up immediately, but it took her a couple of seconds to recover and ask "But don't I already do that so sweetly?" I just grinned back at her, and did a pretty good Groucho Marx eyebrow waggle. She laughed, either because it zoomed right over her head, or she felt she had to laugh, to fit in with the rest of us. I was SO not kidding, and Dave knew it.

2) On the way back, I explained to Dave how Joanne's presence happened. He almost cringed when she met him in the hallway beforehand and announced "I'm joining you for lunch!" I felt his pain. But in the end, he very much appreciated the fact that the company will end up paying for his farewell luncheon, instead of those of us who were actually invited and were willing to split the tab among ourselves (which was the original plan). Dave loved the irony of the company picking up the tab for something I had organized, starting at 4:30 pm, yesterday, especially since Joanne was sitting at the other table, so we didn't actually have to converse with her.

3) When we got back to the office after the luncheon, the head of programming in Utah besieged Dave with email, to which he replied that henceforth, all requests for his time would be on the billable hours plan, and must come from me. Dave even joked with me about having all the power over these two EVPs. I was originally hired to take over from Dave. Since then, I've outranked him, as an officer, but until 6 months ago, he never officially reported to me. He was never made an officer, and I don't think he ever wanted to be one. I've known the guy for 15+ years, so I know he completely "gets" the irony in having a couple of neurotic alpha-types who outrank me having to funnel their requests for his "consulting" hours through Lil' Ol' Moi. As it stands, even CEO-man has to go through me to get a slice of Dave's time. Dave and I both love it!

Now . . . all I have to do is wangle a huge raise to stay in my current job.