Cross-Post

Monday, July 17, 2006

Currently Listening Stranger in Town By Bob Seger & the Silver Bullet Band see related Hoo boy, have we got a couple of lulus (bad pun intended) from the Nickster today. Grant me the small pleasure of ripping these two journal entries to shreds. This first one is from his Greatestjournal. "They publish a lot of American Horror writers, and the story being published I wrote is a science ficiton / horror story combining the old school supernatural horror elements with the newer natural disaster science fiction that I've been writing lately. The magazine can be picked up on http://www.insomniamagazine.net -- the magazine was announced the moment that he said that the issue I was featured in was the final one." It's interesting that having a story published in a magazine that's shutting down after publishing one issue would be considered a huge accomplishment. I don't know what the paid circulation of Insomnia is, but if it were all that high, especially considering the £3.50 UK cover + shipping price (£4.00, or $7.40 shipped to the U.S.), it wouldn't be going out of business after one issue, would it? Just a wild guess here, but I doubt the paid circulation of this issue is even in the low triple digits. "The new story itself would be something that is a combination of Dr. Michael Crichton and Algernon Blackwood in the delivery. So you can go pick that up right now on the actual website and they got subscriptions available of the website, Goth, Horror, Sleaze, Metal, and Industrial are the subcultures they cover in this one. There will be a CD enclosed with the magazine featuring a few bands on it including T3chn0ph0b1a, and instrustrial metal outfit from Italy that just kicks ass -- science fiction themed lyrics." Number one, the website's subscription page is "under construction." That means subscriptions are available to neither the website nor the hard copy. Number two, for god's sake, Nicky, learn to construct a sentence. There should have been a period and two spaces between "website" and "Goth," not a comma and one space. Those are two separate sentences. Knowing your writing, this is not a typo on your part, although those are legion in your work as well. Number three, I suppose the fly-by-night publisher thinks the bonus CD of crapola music justifies the high cover price? Even a high quality "coffee table" magazine like Architectural Digest has a full cover price of $5.95 an issue. I can guarantee that Insomnia is not of that ilk. "This is the cover of RAGE M a c h i n e Magazine: Issue Four and this will be available on fictionwise.com (my fictionwise debute.) I am looking at this right now and waited since December 2005, for this one -- so you will see In The Eyes Of A Skull over there too as well as on FictionPress.com. It is pretty damn cool that I am on this, and not only that -- Ken Goldman went from there and my publications to being on Arkham House. I am very pleased to have two stories coming out in July -- one previously released and one brand motherfucking new. This. is. FUCKING. HUGE!" No, this is not huge. Again, learn to construct a sentence, Nicky. I'm astonished that you managed to find a magazine that would even consider publishing a previously published story of yours. You really should start reading "Miss Snark, the literary agent." She's wonderfully funny, and extremely astute. The next entry from which I quote is on his Ethereal Journal. "Not only that my horror story gets accepted to Insomnia Magazine, my science fiction short story Flying Cigars gets accepted to Specficworld.com and their featured story. Now I am just waiting on the contracts to be filled out and everything. Damn right I am going to get there as an author, and I did it on my own terms." Your own terms will never get you "there." Presumably, "there" means sufficient sales to become self supporting, and get off the government dole. Until the quality of your writing improves, nothing will make you financially successful. "Ms. Dullop can fuck herself in that sense because that is more momentum for the TABLOID PURPOSES anthologies, this new story will be reprint status on the anthology but to be accepted with the story on Specficworld.com it is well worth it if you ask me. (If you still ask me the bitch still pirated the second Tabloid Purposes. She said she "threw it away," but I think she kept the pirated copies much as that whiny little brat who ran Wrasp.net did -- the little fuck bragged about it too." How do you know she e-pirated Toilet Paper II? "This will be the next sale once I get the contract for the story, I already filled out the contract for RAGE MACHINE MAGAZINE meaning one of my stories will be in issue four of the magazine. I am getting momtum despite that asshole Peter Barnes tries to do to get in my way. Get the fuck out of my way asshole I am coming and kicking doors down." You're all bark and no bite. Idle threats like these can, however, land you in jail and get you slapped with a boatload of restraining orders. What is "momtum," by the way? It sounds like a pregnancy bulge to me. "Shows to how far some would go to find free fiction when the fiction isn't free, but this one I have this notion people would try to pretend to be my friend just so they can get a glimpse of the works that are being put out there." Gee, that's a new one. Do your friends really ask to see your work, pre-publication? Unless someone's a trusted friend or editor, don't let them have it, and don't post it publicly. That's simple common sense. "I have a few magazines telling me that I am too expensive to run too which I think was kind of cool, because they told me to submit again at a later time with a different story." The latter half of that sentence tells me that the editors found your submitted story to be not what they wanted for the issue upon which they were working. They think you have potential, but maybe for another issue. It's somewhat encouraging for you, but it does not mean that you are "too expensive." In the end, though, it speaks volumes about the quality of those magazines. "Before everyone accuses me of being a liar with being accepted on this magazine, I do have the email that I got from them -- I will keep that to myself for right now until the contract is signed, sealed and delivered." I don't think anyone would accuse you of lying about an acceptance, Nicky, but again, it speaks volumes about the quality of those publications. While I've never signed a publishing contract to get my non-fiction articles published, nobody can claim that well-established advertising industry trade journals, whether online-only, or both hard-copy and online, are fly-by-night operations.

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