Keith Richards fell out of a palm tree on Fiji, and had to be transported to a hospital in New Zealand.

Now, I don't question vacationing in Fiji at all. There are far worse places to vacation, such as the Jersey Shore. I can make fun of New Jersey. I live here. Other than Cape May, which really belongs in another state, anyway, I would not set foot on the Jersey Shore. I wish I could afford a vacation in Fiji. Fiji isn't the problem.

What I want to know, and nobody will explain, is what the heck Mr. Strolling Bones Number Two was doing up in the tree in the first place. Most palm trees aren't exactly the easiest things to climb, having footholds that aren't branches per se, but are the remnants of older fronds that have died and broken off or have been trimmed off by fastidious landscapers. They aren't like oaks or maples that have branches along the trunk among which the average cat (or human) can scamper.

Of course I've climbed many a tree in my day, but some lend themselves better to it than others. Tip: don't climb conifers--the sap will get all over you, your clothes, and in your hair--hemlocks are especially nasty. Stick to maples, oaks, crabapples, cherry trees, and catalpas, if you can. Believe me, hardwood trees are best for climbing. Fruit trees and nut trees are good, but not citrus trees because of the thorns (would you want to climb a rose bush if you were an elf?).

Every once in a while, I come across a story that's simply too juicy to resist, and this one about Keith Richards fit the bill. So happy tree climbing everyone, and stay out of the hospital, please!