Saturday, October 20, 2007

Many Things

Many things happened today. I made a grocery list heavy on fresh veggies and animal flesh, but left off staples, since we have a pantry full of them. Didn't find charcoal, but was told it wasn't essential for this evening's BBQ. I shopped for, paid for, unloaded, and put away all the groceries by myself.

When it came time to light the fire, there were 4.5 coals. Sorry, but that won't grill even a single burger. SJ shrugged, as if to say "we'll just have to do without." Nothing doing, toots. I got back in the car, and got charcoal. Some things you just must do for yourself, if you want them done.

Dad called this afternoon. He has to go back to Oklahoma at some time in the next two or three weeks, and wants either me or SJ to accompany him, since mom really can't travel anymore. It's really my duty, but work obligations may not allow me to take off. SJ is ready to pinch hit for me if need be, even though he never met my brother before he died.

We have to go over tomorrow afternoon, for no other reason than we were summoned. There is nothing for us to actually do or help them do. I can't help but think this is a huge waste of our time. SJ doesn't mind playing nursemaid or shrink, but I sure do. It's a novelty to him, but I've been doing it nearly every weekend for the past 25 years, and I really resent being asked to do it twice as often to make up for the absence of my brother.

Sorry, but I'm only one child, not two, and I can never be two. Being asked to fulfill emotional support needs for two elderly parents as usual, and do fill-in duty for my deceased brother is a bit much to ask. I can deal with it if it only lasts another two or three months, but after that, I'll have to draw a line.

There are only so many days left that I can take off work on little to no notice without getting fired, and I can't keep jetting down to OKC every couple of weeks for a few days at a time, given hotel and plane ticket costs. I can't afford to keep dropping $3000 every two or three weeks, like my parents can. That's money I need to cover my quarterly property tax. I'm not willing to go into hock, and lose my credit rating and house, to play shrink in person. If it comes down to it, I'll insist they use the phone.

It's a rough time all around, because my parent have health problems of their own, and my brother's death made everything worse. I don't want to be a lousy daughter who shirks her family duty, but I'm about at the end of my rope, and any more drain on my finances can't become a habitual thing. I like tent camping, but don't want it to become a permanent way of life.

Rant over.

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