Katie Can't Get a Break

The WSJ reports that Katie "Alien Robot" Holmes is having trouble getting her career back on track after a couple of years being under Tom "Christ" Cruise's evil spell.

In recent weeks, representatives at the Hollywood talent firm Creative Artists Agency have been working hard to map out a new career plan for the temporarily out-of-work actress, her associates say.

No kidding. Being out of work for two years doesn't really sound that temporary to me. Now, I realize that CAA is a heavyweight in the biz, but can it reverse Katie's lobotomy?

She recently was unable to make a deal with Warner Bros. to land what appeared to be a good opportunity: a reprisal of her role as assistant district attorney Rachel Dawes in the sequel to 2005's "Batman Begins," scheduled for summer 2008 and titled "The Dark Knight."

People involved have their official stories straight that she couldn't do it because of a scheduling conflict, and negotiations that are underway for a low budget flick with Queen Latifah. Yet, word is that since her relationship with Cruise-Control hit the headlines right around the time the "Batman Begins" debuted, the people involved with that movie didn't want her back again.

"We never got to the negotiating stage" for "Dark Knight," says Julie Polkes, a spokeswoman for Ms. Holmes. "Katie was offered ["Dark Knight"] but was unable to accept the role because of scheduling conflicts. She was in the process of negotiating for another project. In addition, when she returns to work, she would like to tackle a new character." A spokeswoman for Warner Bros. concurs that Ms. Holmes dropped out because of timing.

Who believes that? Who in their right mind would want to take a huge pay cut to work on a movie that approximately three people will see, if indeed she had the opportunity to work on, if not a blockbuster, at least a film guaranteed to get teens and 20-somethings into the theater?

Yet Ms. Holmes has an added problem: her relationship with Mr. Cruise has been a tabloid free-for-all from the moment it started, generating negative publicity that may make studios more reluctant to take a chance on her.

Again, no kidding. Taking a chance on her means that her Scientology god-like hubby comes along for the ride in a controlling two-fer. I don't recall him doing this sort of thing to Nicole, but their kids are adopted, not biological. Maybe Cruise-Control does really differentiate along such phony lines.

She's also become inextricably linked to the 44-year-old Mr. Cruise, a Hollywood legend who has been criticized for his controversial Scientology faith and a pattern of erratic public behavior that is regarded in some quarters as a box-office liability. Mr. Cruise's production contract was not renewed last August by Paramount, partly because of his antics, including ecstatically proclaiming his love for Ms. Holmes on Oprah Winfrey's couch and inveighing against the use of antidepressants by Brooke Shields and others on the "Today" show.

She's a whole lot better known now than she was a few years ago as one of the Dawson's Creek ensemble, but it's not because of her acting. I don't know whether she can act or not; I've never seen Dawson's Creek, nor have I seen any of her movies. But I do know that she's become a punch line.

During the summer of 2005, Warner Bros. marketers were frustrated over the "Batman" campaign, say people there at the time, when Ms. Holmes's budding romance with Mr. Cruise distracted attention from the movie -- creating paparazzi frenzies on the red carpet and prompting her to use coveted late-night television air time partly to promote her then-boyfriend's movie, "War of the Worlds."

Okay. Let's see. She blew her precious promotion time on the late night circuit for her own movie by plugging her then-boyfriend's movie. That couldn't have gone over well with the studio. Her lack of promotion for "Thank You for Smoking" might be excused because she was seven months pregnant at the time, but the Batman deal was a different matter altogether.

Somehow, I just can't feel that sorry for her. She's made a few decision in her life that led her to where she finds herself today. Whether I think they're poor decisions is irrelevant. Nobody else made them for her, and now she has to deal with the fallout to her career.

I guess it's that much less money to go to the Scientologists whose "rescue missions" consist of physically touching Katrina victims instead of providing them with shelter and basic supplies. Bunch of wackos.